Love Shack: A Romantic Comedy
by Otaku Raven
Summary: A lonely author summons some of her favorite characters to her for a night of . . . well, something.


Disclaimer - None of the various characters in this story belong to me. I don't own rights to Queer as Folk, The Vampire Chronicles, Gundam Wing, Darren Hayes or anyone/anything else mentioned in the story. I am just mooching off of everyone! No money was made from this crazy thing which is only the result of a certain television station deciding to make me wait nine months for a new season *pokes Showtime with a large stick*. Having now saved my own ass, enjoy the show!

Title: Love Shack: A Romantic Comedy

Rating - PG-13 (some naughty words and implied slash)

Summary - A lonely author summons some of her favorite characters to her for a night of . . . well, something. 

Author's Notes – I have decided after much debating to post this story in the "Gundam Wing" section despite the fact that it is not a true "Gundam Wing" fic in any respect. But there is some good ol' 2x4 which I certainly feel there isn't enough of ;) Hope you enjoy it. If you're interested in reading more stories like this one, please e-mail me. (the other ones told in this fashion deal mainly with Anne Rice's The Vampire Chronicles)

Love Shack: A Romantic Comedy

Sitting cross-legged on a long couch the girl concentrated all her effort on the task at hand.

"Come to me," she whispered. "Yesss . . . come to me my pretty boys . . . come . . . come." 

Her eyes flew open as she heard a tap, tap, tapping at her chamber door. Jumping up from the couch she nearly tripped over her feet as she grabbed the knob. Opening the heavy wooden door open a huge smile crossed her face when she spied the small, young blonde boy standing before her looking down at a scrap of paper in his tiny hands.

"Excuse me," he began as he gazed up at her with enormous blue eyes. "Um . . . I believe I'm supposed to be here but I'm not - "

"Yes, yes, yes!" she exclaimed. "Come in please!"

As he entered, the boy brushed his vibrant locks out of his eyes and jumped as the young woman loudly closed the door and slid the lock in place. Turning around, the little blonde introduced himself.

"I'm Quatre," he said proudly, extending his hand. "Quatre Rabera Winner."

"Oh, I know," she grinned.

After an uneasy moment of slow, silent handshaking, Quatre pulled his delicate hand back and took a small step away.

"And may I ask what your name is?"

The young woman took a step forward and toyed with a wayward stand of hair.

"All in good time, _bishounen_, all in good time."

The youth visibly gulped and cocked his adorable whittle head *ahem, sorry* to the side as he heard a muffled thump outside the tiny room.

"I'll get it!" She squealed with joy as she once again opened the door. She was filled with satisfaction as her eyes located the two men out in the snow. The tall blond rested a hand dramatically on his hip as the dark-haired one struggled to pick himself up gracefully from the snow. 

"You did that on purpose," he said darkly to his blond companion. 

"I don't know what you're talking about," he responded innocently. 

"You know precisely what I'm talking about," the irate one continued as he brushed snow from his coat. "You dropped me on purpose."

"I did no such thing! You squirmed!"

"_La ferme! Mon Dieu, tu sont trés fastidieux!"_

"_Moi?_" he defended. "_Je crois que non! Tu sont_ - "

The girl slowly approached the two men who were too busy yelling at one another to notice her.

"Hey, hey, hey!" she said holding up her hands. "_Mes garçons, s'il vous plaît, arrête!"_

Instantly, the two men did stop their quarreling and turned to her.

"I should have known . . ." the blond trailed off.

"Yes," she agreed. "You should have, Lestat."

Throwing her glance to the other she waved to him with her fingers.

"_Âllo Louis_," she said in a high-pitched voice.

"_Bonsoir_," he responded as he moved to stand behind Lestat.

"Oh Louis, it's all right," she insisted. "I'll leave you alone. You and Lestat are not the only ones here tonight."

Walking back into the house she beckoned with her hand for the vampires to follow her which they did after a moment of hesitation. When they reached the house however they found Quatre pulling at two kicking legs extending from the fireplace.

"Just hold still Duo!"

The angry man's cries where slightly muffled due to his encasement in brick.

"_Shimatta_," he cursed. "_Tenshi_, Quatre, get me the hell out of here!"

Wanting to help his lover as best as he could, Quatre grabbed on to one dangling leg, pulling all his weight on it. It wasn't long before another small man with a three-foot braid of brown hair tumbled into the room covered from head to toe in black soot.

"Ack! He exclaimed. "_Baka_."

Everyone looked around in confusion except for Quatre who smiled and gently touched his head.

"What were you doing?"

"What did it look like?" Duo responded. "I wanted to shimmy down the chimney baby."

As Duo leaned in to kiss him the young man backed away to avoid getting dusty as well. Looking around, Duo nodded in acknowledgment to the two vampires who continued to stare at them blankly.

"So . . ." Duo began. "What are we all doing here?"

Before the girl had a chance to answer the large glass window beside them shattered as a jeep went plowing through it. Quatre perched on top of Duo's head like a cat escaping water as Lestat screamed and leapt into Louis' arms. As the vehicle screeched too a halt the girl stomped up to it. 

"God damn it Brian!" She yelled as she flung the driver's side door open causing a tall man to tumble out. "Honestly, you and your flippin dramatic entrances!"

Brian quickly pulled himself up as his blonde companion slid out of the passenger's side.

"Can I help it if my presence requires such an entrance?"

"He's lying," the young man beside him said. "He lost control in the snow."

"Bitch," Brain muttered.

"Well!" The girl said. "I believe we're all here. Shall we introduce ourselves?"

Quatre came down from Duo's head and stood up proud and tall (well, it's Quatre, so not really).

"Quatre Rabera Winner. Gundam Pilot of Sandrock."

"Duo Maxwell. Gundam Pilot of Deathscythe." 

Louis' ears perked up and he dropped his maker unceremoniously to the floor.

"Scythe?" he questioned.

"Yeah, man," Duo confirmed turning his head towards him. "I kid you not. I may run and hide but I never tell a lie. That's me in a nutshell."

Quatre slightly slapped him with the back of his hand.

"Stop that."

Shrugging it off, Duo looked back to Louis.

"You are?"

"Louis de Pointe du Lac," he answered. "Vampire. Merciful Death. Self-Loather. All around melancholy character."

The girl smiled and slowly ran her tongue over her upper lip. Louis' eyes widened and he wrapped an arm around Lestat's waist. 

"Lestat de Lioncourt," the other vampire said, eyeing Raven. "He's my bitch."

The girl rolled her eyes and then turned them on the man to her right.

"Brian Kinney," he answered simply.

Upon getting no further information, Quatre spoke up. 

"What do you do Brian?" he asked curiously.

"Him," Brian responded answered wrapping possessive arms around his shorter blonde companion. 

Again, the girl rolled her eyes.

"That's Justin Taylor," she informed.

Justin waved and placed his hands on top of Brian's that were secure around his waist. 

"And I," she continued. "Am Raven. You're undoubted Queen for this evening."

Audible sighs were heard throughout the room. 

"Does anyone else notice a trend here?" Louis suddenly questioned. 

As the others looked around the room, they all took note that each couple looked surprising alike. One tall, one short, one blonde, one with dark hair. The men all turned to give Raven a look but the girl was grinning like a moron too much to notice. 

"So what exactly are we all doing here now?" Lestat asked.

"Well, you see boys, lately I - "

Raven stopped as she gazed at Duo who was no longer covered from head to toe in black soot.

"How did you get clean so fast?"

Duo shrugged.

"Magic."

"Yeah, magic," Quatre said revealing a very blackened tongue. "Duo-chan, can I have some water." 

"Yeah, sure."

Without hesitation, Duo reached down into his pants and retrieved a large and oddly enough, chilled bottle of water. Quatre took it smiling and drank it down.

"What else do you have in there?" Brian questioned with his chin resting on Justin's shoulder.

"You'd be amazed," Duo said blankly.

Lestat blinked and then turned to Raven.

"So what _are_ we doing here?"

"Oh, you know me Lestat," she grinned. "Or at least you should by now. I haven't got anything better to do."

"Ah yes," he recalled. "But why are they here? And where is that poor Australian you used to keep in your closet?"

"Darren?"

"Nooo, the _other_ Australian pop star with the tight leather pants you used to keep chained up in - YES DARREN!"

"I had to let him go so that he could tour," she explained. "But he'll be back."

Lestat put his hands snugly on his hips and raised a provocative eyebrow.

"How do you know?"

"Oh, I know."

Slipping her hand inside her pocket, Raven pressed a tiny button. 

Meanwhile, somewhere in Australia . . .

The crowd screamed with joy as the former singer of Savage Garden began yet another incredible song. 

"When moonlight crawls along the street chasin' away the – Raven loves you – summer heat. Footsteps outsides some – return to me – where below the world revolves I've – I own your sexy leather-clad ass anyway – let it go . . ."

The audience looked at one another in confusion but nevertheless cheered as he began to prance his way around the brightly colored stage. 

"Teehee," Raven giggled as the six men simply regarded her with confusion. "Good times, good times . . . anyway! I just wanted you all to meet each other. You know, old obsessions meet new obsessions."

"I am not old," Brian defended. 

Raven smiled and turned to face him.

"You would be a new obsession love," she said smiling. "You and Justin, from "Queer as Folk", and Quatre and Duo from "Gundam Wing" are the new. Lestat and Louis from "The Vampire Chronicles" are the only old men around here."

"Really," Brian commented. "How old are you?"

"235."

Brian raised his eyebrows in astonishment.

"Really," he began. "Impressive."

The advertising executive then turned his gaze to Quatre.

"As are you," he purred.

The young pilot gulped as the much taller man attempted to approach him but was stopped by Justin's strong grip. Brian turned and looked at his lover innocently. 

"Justin," Raven suddenly called out. "Come here."

Justin slowly approached her beckoning finger and when she whispered in his ear the young man smiled and turned back towards Brian with a sly grin. Brian watched with uncertainty as Justin walked to him and pulled him by his tie into a back room. The others listened as random curses of protest were heard followed by a loud snap and the unmistakable sound of Brian begging. When the door re-opened a very satisfied Justin walked out with Brian hanging his head behind him, complete with a shock collar around his neck. Duo and Lestat concurrently cracked an imaginary whip but when Brian cast them a death glance the two lowered their arms.

"Thanks," Justin said happily. 

"No prob sweetie," Raven replied. "He's had it coming for a long time."

"I will kill you for this," Brain said in a complete monotone voice.

"Oh please, you're getting off easy," Lestat commented. "She's unreasonable."

Louis mumbled something under his breath.

"What was that, _mon amour_?" Lestat questioned sweetly. "_Cher_, what did you say?"

"_Rien_," Louis said softly. 

"Louis," Lestat pressed. "What did you say?"

Louis looked his maker right in the eye. 

"I was just saying that you have no right to call her unreasonable. At least she doesn't react drastically to the smallest things."

"He had his tongue down your throat!" Lestat yelled. " I hardly think I was overreacting!" 

"It was a harmless kiss Lestat!"

"Don't talk to me about harmless!" Lestat screamed in defense. "That little imp doesn't know the meaning of the word." 

"_Mon Dieu! C'est ridicule!"_ Louis continued. "Armand meant nothing by it."

Lestat cracked his knuckles and took in a deep breath. 

"Louis - "

"_Non, non, non_!" Louis protested. "You just don't understand. I cannot speak to you anymore."

Lestat watched with an open mouth as Louis walked away.

"This is going to be so interesting," Raven smiled. "I never would have . . . Quatre?

"Hmm," the boy responded.

"Where did you get that?"

Slowly, Quatre lowered the delicate teacup from his lips and pointed once again to Duo's pants.

"Christ, Duo," Raven said. "What don't you have in there?"

"That's a good question," he answered. "You wanna look?"

Raven shrugged and walked over to the small man, leaning down to reach into his well-endowed pants (oh, cut it out you perverts, not like _that_). Slowly, she pulled the random objects out.

"Rubber chicken. Superball. Stapler. Window repair kit - "

"Oh, let me see that!" Quatre squealed with excitement. "I can fix that window!"

Raven handed the young blonde the kit before he turned to Duo.

"Hard-hat please." 

"Give her a minute."

Reaching yet again into the loose black cloth, Raven continued to search.

"Gum. Dynamite . . . um . . . naked picture of Heero . . ."

Quatre's eyes widened more than usual and he looked up at Duo with a hurt expression.

"Hold on!" Duo protested. "There's got to be an explanation in there somewhere." 

Raven reached in deeper and pulled out the hard-hat.

"Here you go sweetie," she said handing it to him.

Quatre shot Duo a look before he set to work repairing the shattered window. Lestat and Louis stood side-by-side yet every time Lestat would attempt to speak to him, Louis would turn his back further towards him. 

"You're acting like a child." Lestat said to his back.

This time when Louis turned he found himself face-to-face with his maker who took hold of his upper arms and kissed him strongly and quickly on the lips.

"Stop."

"Apologize."

Louis was startled at the sudden the quick puff of smoke that blasted from Lestat's ears.

"You want me to apologize for Armand raping you?!"

"Lestat!" Louis nearly screamed. "He did not rape me! _Alors_, you know what? I wanted it! He's an amazing kisser! I've forgotten what that was like!" 

Brian, Justin and Duo had proceeded to make noises normally associated with The Jerry Springer Show.

"How can you say that?!" Lestat questioned loudly. "What about last Wednesday night when . . .we . . . and you . . ."

"I was faking!" Louis hissed.

The observing trio stood and clapped until Lestat turned his gaze on them causing all three to burst into flames. Raven immediately screamed and snapped her fingers, making the fire vanish while the men stood unharmed, wide-eyed and motionless. 

"Lestat!" Raven screamed walking up to him. 

"Do. Not. Touch. Any. Of. My. Bitches!" She said, poking him in the chest with each word. "Or so help me I'll tell everyone how Memnoch the Devil was really written."

"You don't have the guts," Lestat teased.

Raven smiled and turned to Brian, Justin and Duo.

"In that book when Lestat here was in the bar talking with Roger, he was actually - "

Raven was unable to finish as Lestat clamped a hand over her mouth and whispered quickly and harshly in her ear. 

"Shut up, I give in. I won't touch them, shut up."

When he pulled his hand away, the girl turned and looked into his eyes with a huge smile.

"Thought so."

Lestat glared at her before he backed down and returned to Louis' side. 

"_Sumaseru_!"

Everyone turned to find that Quatre had completely repaired the shattered window. The young man proudly stood and walked over to Duo.

"Can I have more water?"

"Sure," Duo commented as he pulled out another bottle but inadvertently something else as well.

"What's that?" Louis asked, bending down to pick up the small, slender black object.

"Don't touch that!" Quatre screamed.

"Don't worry," Duo said calmly as he took the cylinder in his hand. "It never flippin' works for me. Look."

The young man repeatedly pressed the tiny red button at the tip and raised his eyebrows in mock surprise as nothing happened.

Without warning, another small man in a tight green muscle shirt ran up to Duo and grabbed the self-detonation device. 

"Mission complete." 

With a gentle push of the button the young man went flying backwards and through the newly repaired window.

"_Shimatta!"_ Quatre cursed as he tossed his hard-hat to the ground. 

"How does he do it?" Duo pondered out loud. "Every damn time . . ."

Quatre took a swig of his water, tossed his tools threw the broken window and moved to comfort Duo. Brian had moved back to Justin and was lightly toying with the bangs of his vibrant hair. 

"You wanna go fuck?"

"Sure."

The occupants of the room turned with wide eyes except for Raven who seemed strangely accustomed to it. 

"Oh those boys of mine," she sighed.

The other men watched as she moved to sit in a large wing-chair facing the center of the room.

"So, now what?" Louis asked.

"Do whatever," she answer, pulling out a cigarette. "As long as I can watch."

Lestat grinned at Louis, looked to Quatre, and then looked back to him. The younger vampire shot him a you-don't-have-a-chance-in-hell-and-even-if-you-did-I-wound't-care-look. Raising an eyebrow the tall blond moved in on the smaller one. Quatre's eyes widened and he slowly began backing up. When the boy's back encountered a wall he panicked and reaching into his vest pocket, screeched, and tossed a handful of seeds at Lestat.*

The vampire stared at him blankly for a moment before his face tightened slightly.

"Pick those up," he commanded in a deep, serious voice.

"_Hai_!" Quatre quickly responded, dropping to his knees to pick up the fallen seeds.

Duo looked down at him with a bewildered expression and Lestat turned only to find that Louis had wandered off. 

"Louis?" he called out.

A sudden scream was his answer and he whirled around sharply to find Louis violently slamming a door. As the elder vampire approached him he noticed that his fledgling's eyes had grown extremely large and he opened the door to investigate. After a moment he gently closed it again and looked to Louis.

"Why can't you bend like that?"

Louis just continued to stare into the nothingness in front of him and as Duo and Quatre walked by with their arms around one another, the braided boy paused and smiled at Louis' wide-set eyes.

"You too huh?"

Duo gripped Quatre by the sides of his vest and pulled him against his body as he connected their lips. Quatre smiled into their embrace as he was pulled away into another room and the blond vampire looked at his partner helplessly. Upon getting no response, he tugged on Louis' sleeve like begging child. 

"Okay . . . whatever," the stunned man responded mindlessly. 

Raven watched as much to her dismay, as the last two men vanished into yet another room. She sat alone and silently contemplated.

"Maybe I should find something else to occupy my time," she considered. "Perhaps get some fresh air, do homework or clean my room . . . or something. Shyeah, like that would happen."

Flipping on the hidden cameras in all the rooms, she recorded the various activities within as she typed "rabid _otaku_ in search of _shounen-ai _anime" in a search engine. 

"Seen it, seen it, seen it, have I . . . yeah, seen it, what's this?" she questioned looking closer at the screen. "_Yami no Matsuei_?"

**The End/La Fin/Owari**

Translations: 

"Bishounen" – "beautiful boy"

"La ferme! Mon Dieu, tu son trés fastidieux!" – Shut up! My God, you are so annoying/tedious!

"Moi? Je crois que non! Tu sont- " – Me? I don't think so! You are - " 

"Mes garçons, s'il vous plaît, arrête!" – My boys, please, stop!

"_Âllo" – _Hello

"Bonsoir" – Good evening

"Shimatta" – damn it/shit

"Tenshi" – angel

"Baka" – stupid; word used in frustration

"Mon amour" – My love

"Cher" – dear, masculine form

"Rien" – nothing

"C'est ridicule!" – That's ridiculous

"Sumaseru!" – Finished!

"Hei!" – yes sir; okay

"Otaku" – literally means "our house"; used in English as slang for an obsessed fan.

"Shounen-ai" – literally means, "boy-love". An anime with slight homosexual themes.

"Yami no Matsuei" – Descendants of Darkness . . . a flippin' fabulous anime that Raven has recently become otaku over ;)

*According to an old myth, whenever a vampire comes across seeds, he must stop whatever he is doing, pick them up and count them. 


End file.
